Boobies…

Just got home, and my brother is ready to kill me.
But more on that in a bit.
I actually managed to get all my stuff done last night (thank you to my Crackuccino!) so I could hang out with the bestie today, which I did. Not that we did anything too fantastic, just hung out at her place and played some Xbox, watched some TV, and talked. Still, it was a lot of fun. It’s amazing how much I’ve grown up throughout the years – that that would be my idea of fun!
I have come a LONG way.
We did have a fascinating conversation, though – the catalyst of which was boobies.
Yep, boobies.
Mainly why it’s OK for men to go walking around shirtless anytime they feel like it, but the second a woman tries it, all hell breaks loose. It seems not only narrow-minded and sexist but archaic and silly. And very unfair. That was my argument, at least.
Helen (my bestie) initially agreed, but then decided to play devil’s advocate and suggested we go do something about it.
“Let’s go to the store, sans shirt. It’d be like a statement. Worst they could do is give us a ticket, right?”
All I could do was widen my eyes and blink. There was no way in HELL I was going to the store with Bonnie and Clyde (yes, I named my boobies Bonnie and Clyde, shut up, don’t judge me) out for just anyone to see!
She smiled at me and crossed her arms “Exactly.”
I hate that bitch sometimes.
But she had a point.
We can debate sexism and logic all day long, but at the end of the day, girls are simply different than boys. Not better, not worse, just different. For example, if someone broke into our house, I would not be the one running to protect it. My gorilla of a brother, however, wouldn’t hesitate. He’s mentally and physically built for shit like that.
I am not.
It ended up being a fascinating conversation, delving into societal programming and primal propensities… and it’s conversations like that that may give you a clue as to why we are best friends.
She makes me think, and I’m pretty sure I do the same for her.
It’s fun to have stimulating conversations like that – something I think other people in my life need to take note of. Yes, I am an author of erotica. Yes, I am a sexual person. And yes, I guess some people think I’m attractive.
But there is more to me than that, and at the end of the day, sexuality is basically my job, so the last thing I want to do is allow it to bleed into / take over my social life as well. So guys, while I love the flirtations (I really do – and you better not stop), be real sometimes too. Talk to me. Not just about sex. Make me see you as more than just another guy who wants in my pants. You may be surprised at the fruit you bear. Just sayin’.
Now, back to why my brother wants to kill me.
See, I’m the kind of girl that doesn’t forget things. I WILL get even. So when he was talking smack yesterday about something as little and stupid as putting a bandage on my butt, I was plotting my revenge.
I knew he was going to hang out with some of his guy friends today while I was out with Helen, so I may or may not have changed my contact pic to a picture of a fat erect penis.
I bet you’re wondering why.
See, he only talks on speakerphone, and when someone calls him, the picture takes up the entire screen… so I waited until I knew he was out with his friends and blew his phone up.
Boy was he pissed when he answered. Especially when I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to actually say anything. What made it worse was I could hear his friends laughing in the background, which made me laugh even harder, and I ended up almost dropping my phone. I was laughing that hard.
I think I pulled a muscle on my side or something.
So he’s pissed. Y’all should email him at [email protected] and tell him to forgive me because he’s really butt-hurt about it all. Just don’t tell him I gave you his email address (he has no idea I’m doing an online diary, and if any of you snitch or try to white knight me, I’ll find out where you live).
#AuthorThug
Anyway.
I uploaded a major revision of my first novel, Phi Beta Pie, and I seriously cringed when I saw how badly it needed it. It didn’t even have a table of contents! I was so wet behind the ears when I put that book out… so I went through and cleaned up the grammar, aesthetics, and added a ton more stuff to make it an overall better book. As soon as Amazon approves it (probably by tonight or, at the latest, tomorrow morning) it will go live – so if any of you are going to buy a copy, wait until around noon tomorrow to be safe. Otherwise, you’ll get the old version.
Anyway, I’m going to go and try and soothe my big brother’s wounded pride for a bit before I go to bed. If I don’t do an entry or tweet tomorrow, it’s because he killed me. Just putting that out there.
I love you all.
Sweet dreams.
😉