I’m a twisted little puppy.
Not that this will probably be a shock to many of you, but it occurred to me pretty strongly as I was working on another Quickies story which shall remain nameless for the time being. I figured I’d take a brief break from Nephilim and unload one of the myriad stories on my back burner and around Chapter 3 I had to stop and question my humanity. I was writing some disturbing, twisted shit! Some of the things I was writing made “The Secret Life of Miel” look like a Disney script!
So I took a brief break and sat back and… well… thought. Not many of you know, but I’m not a very introspective person by default. That’s my brother. Me, I’m more spontaneous and “in the moment”, saying whatever happens to be on the top of my head and regretting very little. Meanwhile, my brother is quiet, thoughtful, and chooses his words carefully. It’s like he doesn’t like to speak or something – a really strange trait (I think, at least) for a writer.
Dude has to be doing something right, though, because he is selling books. I just feel that if I were to try being like him I would spontaneously combust or go on a massive turrets tantrum for about twice as long as I managed to stay quiet.
It wouldn’t be pretty.
But back to the whole dark thing.
I did take psychology in college, so I kind of used that knowledge to psychoanalyze myself… and what I came up with is pretty unsurprising. I think I write dark things sometimes because subconsciously I have unresolved issues with my past. So I kind of use writing as a conduit, which would neatly explain why after I unload for a few hours I feel so mentally drained and foggy.
Sometimes, like when I wrote much of “The Secret Life of Miel”, it’s almost like I’m writing in a fugue…
I ultimately decided to quit thinking about it because really thinking won’t do any good. And sometimes logic just doesn’t explain emotions.
I got a lot of writing done today – not just on Nephilim, but on three other stories in my stable. Quickies stories (except for one that’s turning out to be pretty long, so I might have to make it a novel instead). I also came up with more concepts for the whole Zazzle thing and got my web dude to update the website and Kinky Literature to update their listings of my works.
And I let my bestie force me to watch a show that I’ve been actively avoiding all my life: “Dr. Who”. And then promptly fell in love with it! It’s a really good show! So this weekend might be spent binge-watching the shit out of it. And writing. And maybe being just a little bit bad. We’ll see.