I was so looking forward to waking up and writing this morning that I had a hard time falling asleep. My mind just refused to shut off, and I ended up filling an entire page with story notes and scribbles. When I finally did conk out, I kept waking up to use the restroom, and this morning I was all kinds of cranky and hostile as a result. Which led to me and Rebecca getting into an argument / yelling match / marksmanship competition with various objects scattered across my room.
It was our first real fight, and it was ugly. And scary.
We didn’t break up or anything, but still, considering that I was the one that started it all I felt like absolute shit. And it was over such a stupid reason, too…
That pretty much set the tone for the rest of my day. Everything I did seemed to come out wrong, everything I said was taken the wrong way, and no matter how hard I tried to fix things it seemed that the universe was just intent on giving me a horrible fuckjob of a day. It got so bad that a few hours ago I just ran up to my brother (who was in the middle of making a sandwich) and hugged him tightly and cried, and he didn’t even ask me why. He just held me and silently let me emo.
God I loves me some brother.
After I finished balling I told him everything, and he quietly let me get everything off my chest until I finally asked him what he thought. He sat silent for about a minute before he answered. His response (which he actually rattled off the top of his head) was classic J.C., and I remember it damn near verbatim:
The Chinese philosopher Confucius once said something that I hold dear to my heart, and I think it applies to you right now as well – “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
He didn’t even have to explain that one (he usually has to, because he tends to go over my head with some of his Jedi shit). No, this time I understood exactly what he meant. It’s good that we had our fight, because not only was it bound to happen, but we learned – and can still learn – a lot about each other in the process. Everything isn’t always happy and lovey-dovey, and moments like these, while painful, are things we can deeply learn from.
So, of course, I called Rebecca and we talked up until about 30 minutes ago, and I feel tons better now. I feel like we actually worked things out, in a real, deep way.
So that’s my Diary entry for the day. Love it or leave it. I warned you when I first started that there would be entries like this. 😉
Anyway, thanks for reading. Seriously.