I’m Retarded

A little-known fact about me: when I have a lot on my mind, I can’t sleep. I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering if I should message someone or maybe even wake my brother. I already have a hard time “turning off” and going to sleep; when something is on my mind it’s damn near impossible.

I couldn’t quit thinking about Rebecca.

I like her – a lot – and when we were together I was a much happier, grounded person. During the day it’s easy to put her out of my mind – I just throw myself into my writing and other myriad projects so I don’t have time to think about her.

But at night, when there’s no other distractions…it’s not so easy. All the little things come flooding back: the cute little texts, the pictures, the annoying social media game requests she felt the need to keep flinging my way (😄), the sex…oh my god, the sex…

I must be fairly transparent, because when I finally got home and got ready to write, my assistant Natalie (who is also my brother’s girlfriend) refused to work until we had a pow wow. So I caved in and spilled everything.

And she called me retarded.

I shit you not. My assistant called me retarded! 😄 She said we could at least try and work things out, that you don’t throw cars away at the first sign of problems. Relationships are investments of time and love, with a lot of patience and compromise thrown in the mix (I’m paraphrasing her).

She pointed to her relationship with my brother as an example. I know how stubborn and difficult that motherfucker can be (he once took away my laptop for a week when he found out I posted nude selfies on the internet while drunk. I wasn’t a teenager or anything. This was last year! 😄), so I instantly saw her point.

So tomorrow morning, I’m reaching out to Rebecca to see if we can work things out. I’ll record what happens here (this is my Diary, after all!)

Wish me luck.

 

#Alexa