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On being a domesticated loli…

Dear Diary,

I came to a startling revelation the other day: I’ve become a domesticated loli. 🤯 Way back in my younger days (i.e., last year), I was all about clubbing, getting wasted, and having recreational sex with a small, select group of friends and exes. I wrote when the mood struck, but otherwise, I was all about living. If you think some of my Diary entries last year and the year before were bad, you have no idea. The things I didn’t record we’re way, way worse. 😅

Then the Coronavirus happened, and I was forced to stay indoors. It was a dramatic lifestyle shift, for sure, but also an unexpectedly pleasant one. After the initial outrage/tantrums/bouts of crying, I decided to make the most of my incarceration and turn up the dial on my writing, and… well, before I knew it, everything kind of just changed.

Instead of managing to squeeze out hundreds of words a day, I bled out thousands. Instead of straining to publish three or four Patreon posts a month, I released three times that. And I had an immense amount of fun with it all, so much so that at the end of the day, I felt creatively (and mentally) drained. So awesome.

Which makes me wonder. What’s going to happen once this is all over with? Once the virus is more or less under control? Once I can go out again and I’m free to frolic to and fro like I used to?

I’m not entirely sure that I want to anymore. I kind of like staying indoors, being productive, and being safe from all the craziness outside my door. I was thinking about all this the other day, and I came to a startling revelation: my prison, my bubble, has become comfortable. In fact, I’m not sure how often I’ll go out at all once this is all over with. Is this kind of how prisoners feel when they’ve been incarcerated for a long time? Do they dread suddenly having absolute freedom thrust upon them?

What about you? Are you going to resume your normal life once all this insanity is finished, or has it permanently scarred you in some way? Let me know.



💡 The More You Know 💡

There is a technical name for the “fear of long words.”

It’s called “hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.”


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  1. John Nelson on September 4, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    When the stupid virus-crap finally ends, ..I intend to celebrate by traveling, enjoying restaurants again, and will probably indulge in a small nuclear explosion of irrational drinking in bars (in the company of people I both know and don’t know). Relative solitude does not bug me because I’m comfortable inside my pelt. Enforced and coerced relative solitude over a long time period is a different matter. Humans are social creatures, and so the unintended negative consequences for our restricted society is being played out in increasingly neurotic and bizarre behaviors being displayed across the nation. 😉

    • Alexa Nichols on September 8, 2020 at 9:29 am

      Oh man, you are so right about that. Some of the things I’m seeing on the news/social media just baffle me. And to think, these people were everywhere, hidden amongst us, and we never knew the crazy they secretly harbored…

  2. Lamar on September 4, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    It has somewhat altered me as an person but however, it has given a chance to make Patreon content again while trying to overcome boredom.

    • Alexa Nichols on September 8, 2020 at 9:20 am

      But what about when everything’s over? Will you be back to normal, or has all this chnged you?

  3. Richie on September 5, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    As much as this sounds depressing and negative, I can’t even imagine life being back to normal. Not that I don’t think it will happen but I can’t fathom the “WHEN” in my mind. My worst fear is that the Holiday Season which is so critical to our economy with all the partying and catering and just going out with friends and co workers and spending lots and lots of money, is not going to happen this Holiday Season. I live in the Financial District of San Francisco and I can’t imagine any of the office buildings, which are deserted, wasting time, money and energy lighting up the lobbies and such. I’m afraid it’s going to be a very depressing Holiday Season. And to think that it could have been different. It didn’t need to play out the way it is. Last week, I got an email from a friend in Berlin who was planning on a “VACATION” this Holiday Season. I wrote back: “Vacation”???? I can’t even imagine when I’m going to be able to hug my new grandson who lives nearby but whom we haven’t seen because of the pandemic let alone thinking about traveling on vacation.”

    • Alexa Nichols on September 8, 2020 at 9:25 am

      That is a very real, honest, and raw response. It is also one I completely understand. I don’t think the mass majority will ever be the same again, and that’s depressing in a way. I remember back when 9/11 happened… and this is on a much grander scale, and has impacted more people personally. I’m not trying to be too negative, but you know me: emotional and chaotic as I am, I’m also a realist.

      Hopefully America proves me wrong.

  4. Lamar on September 8, 2020 at 3:07 pm

    I probably be back to normal but my social distancing would still be the same as that part of changing me as I’m more of an quiet person anyways.

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