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Dear Diary,

So Anne and I were out the other day running errands, risking our lives by riding public transit as bougie bitches like us are wont to do. She was completely oblivious of everything, as usual, while I was damn near dying over an intense smell of putridness that seemed to hang in the air. I was trying to ignore it, focusing on instead flushing out a quick, err, Quickies story while simultaneously drafting out my next Patreon post (see what I did?! I snuck in two plugs there!) until I finally had enough and decided to look around for the source of the stench.

Everyone was already staring at him. A homeless man slumped in his seat, looking to be completely unconscious, wearing raggedy soiled clothes and a nearly visible disgusting odor surrounding him. He got off abruptly at his stop, and the second he did, everyone started talking smack. This irritated me for several reasons.

Look. At one point in my life (and for several years), I’ve been homeless. I understand it, and I know what kind of programs exist out there for both men and women (especially in Dallas, where we were) to prevent people from degenerating like that. I’m still friends with several homeless today, and the lessons I learned on the streets I carry with me / apply in nearly everything I do. I understand the hustle. I literally do it every day. Which is how I know that there are so many ways a person can help themselves. No one has to live like that, especially not in Dallas. This means to get (and stay) in that state means two things are happening:

Instead of figuring out how to take care of your most basic of needs, you made an active decision not to, and

Not caring about yourself to the point where you not only see yourself as someone that should live like that but are comfortable living like that as well.

A life is a precious thing, people. So precious. Including yours. It’s also fleeting, something so many people take for granted until it’s at risk – or until someone they love loses theirs. People throw around the words life is precious like it’s some sort of trendy mantra, but those are serious, heavy words. So instead of just hearing them and nodding sagely like you understand what they really mean, try truly understanding them. Someone told me something that I hold dear to my heart: he who knows, but does not do, does not know. It’s a profound statement, one that deserves serious thought and introspection.

Look, I’ll keep it simple: try loving yourself, loving the fact that you are alive, hell – loving life period. And never see yourself as someone lesser than anyone else, because you’re not, in any way.

Self-respect is called self-respect for a reason. You never need the validation of others to respect yourself. Only you can do that. Only you can stop. Even if you’re an emotional bougie little hoodrat like me.

I remember having an emotional breakdown one day. I asked my big brother if he loved me. His response was classic J.C.: he stared at me stoically for several long moments (just long enough to make me feel six kinds of stupid for even asking), then walked away and said, “I don’t always like the things you do, but I always love you.”

Yeah, I melted.

And then spider monkeyed the shit out of him. 😆

Why did I just bring that up? Because you will let yourself down, you will get depressed, and you will fail at some of the things you do. All of that is perfectly natural. You’ll get mad, bummed out, and frustrated. That’s cool too. But that has nothing to do with who you are as a person, and everything to do with things happening around you. So that leaves you with two choices, choices that have become increasingly part of my reality as my best friend battles breast cancer:

  1. Accept the fact that there are things beyond your control and try and make the best out of the things you can, or
  2. Blame yourself for things that are completely out of your power to change and sink into a slump.

So, which is it going to be? 🤔

#Alexa

 

“In high school I had sex with girls quite a few times. They were straight women who I convinced to jump in the sack with me.”

Portia de Rossi

 

P.S.: Go check out the amazingly talented and beautiful Selina, my eWife, who complains I never talk about her in my Diary entries anymore. She’s forcing me to sleep on the eCouch until her site gets a certain number of clicks. 😅😭 https://ofselina.com/

 

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4 Comments

  1. John Nelson on 21st December 2020 at 12:43 am

    It does not require much money to push a broom, use a bar of soap, or to not soil oneself. Self-respect, like self-love, only works if the sentiment is organic to the person. Sadly, for too many of the homeless, their predicaments are exacerbated by substance-addiction and/ or mental illness. Picking them up to force them into rehab/ treatment when groups like the ACLU fight tooth and nail against it further complicates the issue. Our society gives the homeless the right to live and die on the streets in squalor from exposure, which does not seem very progressive or humane.

    • Alexa Nichols on 21st December 2020 at 1:54 am

      Well written. I expect no less from my senpai. 🥰

  2. Richie on 24th December 2020 at 12:21 pm

    Hey there, Alexa. Merry Christmas to you. We know you’ve been bad this year but we hope Santa forgives you! lol

    Richie (and Randi)

    KinkyLiterature.com

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