Inflation made me eat my panties…

Dear Diary,

Believe it or not, this is not a clickbait post. 😭 First of all, everyone knows how ridiculous inflation has become lately. I know I do: our rent has been raised by $300 these past few months, and every time we shop for groceries, it baffles me how little we can get. And don’t even get me started on restaurants and fast food, especially with fees, tipping culture going absolutely insane, and the prices for everything going up so high it feels like going to McDonald’s is fine dining. I mean, seriously, when is the breaking point? There has to be one; this can’t go on forever. What goes up must come down, right?

Right?

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with eating my panties.

Well, my big brother wanted to treat my baby squirrel and me to some delivery from Burger Island through his Grubhub+, something I immediately swatted down because of how expensive I knew it would be. I mean, Burger Island isn’t one of the cheapest places around (though their humongous burgers are legendary), and delivery services nowadays are straight-up ridiculous. He was hellbent on doing it anyway, however, and unfortunately, he’s the one person I can’t out stubborn.

So I decided to try and teach my beloved big brother a lesson.

After some quick mental math, I bet him the total end amount would be almost $100 with fees, delivery, tip, and who knows what else. He said there was no way it would be that high. I reminded him that he was buying for three people – he rolled his eyes and told me to shut up. So after viciously spider-monkeying him, we made the bet: if it was closer to my bet of $100, I won, and my prize would be cheese fries at Snuffers. If it was closer to his guess of $60, I would have to do anything he requested.

He accepted my terms.

He placed the order.

The tally came to $65.

Which meant that he not only won but he slaughtered my ass.

So I waited for him to come up with my punishment. Instead, he told me he’d come up with something and let me know and to not worry about it. Most people would think the other person would simply drop the whole thing and move on, but I know my brother: he ain’t dropping sheeet.

Fast forward a few days. I thought he somehow forgot about it because he hadn’t even hinted at my punishment. He just acted normal (well, for him, anyways), and eventually, I completely forgot about it as my writing and Patreon / Subscribestar.adult projects began to take over most of my attention.

Until my baby squirrel snitched on me.

See, I bought some edible panties for… research… and she told my brother for some reason, and to make a long story short, he decided to make my punishment to eat the entire pair. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten edible panties, but those motherfuckers taste nasty. They’re also expensive, at about $16 a pair. 😭

The lessons I learned from this?

1. Never bet my big brother any goddamn thing.
2. Squirrels be snitching, yo.
3. From now on, buy edible panties that taste good. 😂

#Alexaliens

 

“Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber and as deadly as a hit man.”

– Ronald Reagan

 

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