Extended vacations. And bitch-slapping your friends.

Dear Diary,

I’m an overly creative person, and that often gets me in trouble. 😄 Whether it be with my writing or relationships, my imagination often gets the better of me, causing all sorts of issues that ordinary people simply don’t have.

No one is safe. Not my big brother, my Baby Squirrel, my Subscribestar Adult members, or even my friends.

Because of this, I’ve learned it’s best to occasionally withdraw from everyone for a while and funnel my energy into my current writing project.

Sometimes, isolating myself like this doesn’t work, however. Especially with the people closest to me won’t let me. Even when I yell and cry at them to leave me alone because my emotions are bouncing everywhere, sometimes they just refuse to listen and assure me that they know what’s best. Like mansplaining, but with friends. Friendsplaining? Is that even a thing? Fuck it; it is now. I mean, I understand that they have the best intentions at heart, but my reaction to their attempt to pacify me is a bit startling: I want to get physically violent with them. Like, hit them. Slap them. No, bitch-slap them. Most of the time, I repress my hostility and just smile, but sometimes I slip a bit. I don’t hit them or anything (well, my big brother doesn’t count), but I do yell.

And it doesn’t matter where I am. Believe me, I’m not bragging about it. I’m actively working on it.

If you’ve ever argued with me, you know I can cut deep when I’m upset. I hurt you. Again, it’s not something I’m proud of, and I’m trying hard to change this about myself, but it’s a long, hard battle to fight. I think one of these days I need to go to one of those rage rooms I occasionally see on TV, where you can just walk in and destroy shit. Every time I see someone in one of those rooms, I start salivating because they look like so much fun! My inner loli bloodlust kicks in, and I find myself reacting to each yell or breaking of something.

If I could just figure out some sort of middle ground or substitute…

I have no idea why I’m the way I am, but at this stage of my life, it wouldn’t matter if I knew why. It’s just who I am. It’s hardwired into me. So, since changing it seems to be out of the question, I need to find a way to cope with it in a non-destructive manner. Holding it in doesn’t work, and lashing out at the people I love (whether they understand or not) isn’t optimal either.

So, if anyone has an idea, let me know…

#Alexaliens

 

“Watch a man in times of…adversity to discover what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off…”

– Lucretius

 

(Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay)

 

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