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I haven’t really been very social today, and I apologize to everyone that has been messaging me, but I haven’t really had a good day.
At all.
You would think my first day being 30 would be a bit more forgiving.
The reason for this is nightmares. I had them all night last night, one after another, one huge string of constantly morphing unforgiving pain. I have never before experienced anything like this, and I hope to whatever gods there are out there that I never do again. Nights like that can easily be a catalyst into madness.
They filled my entire night. I’ve never even heard of that happening. I woke up feeling exhausted, scatterbrained, and hostile.
And that mindset has been clinging to me all day.
Which is really fucked up, because yesterday was so perfect!
My brother keeps telling me he’s here for me, and if I want to talk about it he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to do so… but in this case, I don’t think that would be a good idea.
Because my nightmares were about my past. Our past. And the last thing I want to do is cause him pain.
I did manage to get some writing work done: I revised “Cramming Sis!” to a new edition, then turned around and translated it into a paperback (not as easy as it sounds), and adjusted all the prices for my paperback books to a uniform one. I haven’t actually written anything yet, but as soon as I publish this entry I plan on pouring myself into my red edit of Nephilim – my goal is to move on to my yellow edit tomorrow. It’s going to be one hell of a red edit…
I may even chat with some of you overnight, who knows, it really depends on if I can get out of this murky mind space or not. Even though I have some things to go out and do tomorrow, I doubt I’ll be going to sleep tonight. I do plan on writing until my fingers bleed.
I love you. I really do. I promise I’ll be back to normal Alexa soon. Just be patient with me.

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