So I almost died today.
My bestie took me, my brother, and Natalie to Anne’s house to pick her up so we could all go swimming. As we were pulling out, this car came speeding down the parking lot (Dukes of Hazarding the speed bump and all) and my bestie ended up slamming into their car. Hard.
This was how I finally found out that my brother and Natalie are actually dating (I FUCKING KNEW IT!)
Here’s the condensed version of how everything went down: after the wreck, these two guys got out of the car acting like they were complete badasses. My brother, who actually is a complete bad ass, got out and went right up to them. They backed down and all the sudden started getting all social and friendly.
My brother, however, didn’t.
Which wouldn’t surprise you if you actually knew my brother. See, he’s kind of overprotective to a fault. When people he loves or even likes are threatened, he can (and usually does) get very aggressive. And I’m not bragging when I write that, because it’s not exactly an endearing trait. Well, maybe it is a little. But it’s caused a lot of problems in the past.
Anyway, to add even more chaos to the mix, my bestie started hyperventilating and having a panic attack and Natalie decided she was going to be in charge of J.C. (my brother) damage control. Which completely shocked the fuck out of me, because that is a very delicate task that should be approached with the utmost care (no spider-monkeying, in other words).
So what does Natalie do after trying to pull him away doesn’t work? She kisses him.
My mouth hit the ground.
As they were kissing she walked into him, pushing him back, completely diffusing him…
The rest of the story is kind of typical. Insurance information was exchanged, cops came down, cops left when they saw that it was basically a civil matter. Later on, when everything calmed down, I asked Natalie and my brother flat out if they were together together and they confirmed it. It was actually kinda cute. It almost looked as if a huge weight was lifted off their shoulders. They look really silly when I told him I didn’t care, I just didn’t like having it hid from me, which Natalie apologized for left and right in about three different languages.
So I fired her.
I’m not that kind of person.
Anyway, I am the exhausted kind of person, so I’m going to end this entry here.
I love you all.
Don’t take one minute of your life for granted…