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Fat girl jokes

too_fat_girls_by_eishiban-d6er3t2Dear Diary,

So, Anne and I barely got any sleep last night due to scoring on each other with fat joke after fat joke. I don’t know how we got on the topic considering neither of us is overweight, but boy did we roast the shit out of each other. 😅 Some highlights:


Me: You’re so fat when you dressed up as the red Power Ranger for Halloween everyone thought you were the Kool-Aid Man!

Anne: You’re so fat when you get a flu shot gravy pours out!

Me: Oh yeah? You’re so fat when you sweat, butter and grease oozes out!

Anne: You’re so fat when you were a baby your mom gave you fried pork chops as pacifiers!

Me: You’re so fat your birth was sponsored by Butterball!

Anne: You’re so fat when you get out the bed it raises nine inches!


This went on nearly all night. We were making these up as we went, and some of them were so funny we had to stop and laugh at ourselves. Especially me, since every time she threw a joke at me my hyperactive imagination conjured up a vivid image. It was horrible.

Of course, we paid for this the next morning. Though not immediately.

See, we woke up at precisely 4:44AM feeling all kinds of good and refreshed, and started talking mad shit about how little sleep we needed to be productive and alert.

Fast forward two hours.

We were both whining and sniveling, our heads rolling on our necks and nodding out every few minutes. And I was writing, too, which made it worse. Even with a cappuccino, my concentration drained out of me at an alarming rate.

We ended up taking a nap and waking up several hours later feeling loads better.

And then I got to work in earnest.

I completely finished the Red Revision of Voyeur Season 2 Episode 1 (I can’t wait until you motherfuckers read it!) and completed a good chunk of another title I’m working on under a pen name. Just so you guys know, I haven’t forgotten about the Nephilim series – as soon as this Voyeur episode is finished, I’m tackling Nephilim: Prisoner. It already has so many notes for the draft…

Anyway, that was my day in a nutshell: scoring, writing, and napping.

Until tomorrow, my loves…



💡 The More You Know 💡

When banana slugs have sex, sometimes they get stuck, and the male and female each take turns nibbling at the penis until they get unstuck.


  1. Kerem on May 15, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Oh you like cappuccino too… 🙂

    • Alexa Nichols on May 16, 2018 at 7:03 pm

      Like is such a weak word. I LUST cappuccino! 😳

      • Kerem on May 16, 2018 at 7:11 pm

        For the first time in my life I wanted to be cappuccino… 😀

  2. Lamar on May 15, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Sweet! Fat jokes till dawn, that’s some sweet coverage! 😜

    • Alexa Nichols on May 16, 2018 at 7:04 pm

      It was a blast. And completely out of nowhere. 😅

  3. Anne Barrett on May 15, 2018 at 10:16 pm

    Me too. Alexa have a great night sleep tight and I see you tomorrow.

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