Archive for May 2018
The fattest pussy I’ve ever seen! 😳
Dear Diary, For those of you who came here to read this based on the title alone: you got clickbaited, motherfucker. 😅 The pussy I’m talking about is my new friend’s cat, which is hu-fucking-mongous! I mean, I can damn near ride this cat! Remember He-Man’s mount, Battle Cat? Has to be a relative or…
Read MoreGotta go! ✈
Dear Diary, I’m writing this 30 minutes before I have to leave because the day completely blazed by and I got sidetracked 13 different ways. It was a hell of a hectic day, but I managed to get everything done that I wanted/needed to do considering I’m not going to be able to work for…
Read MoreGetting ready for Butt Naked Sunday!
Dear Diary, I’ve been running poor Anne emotionally ragged today. Seriously. And she’s been so sweet about it, not even bitching or anything. See, I’ve been trying to get not only my tasks complete, but everything packed and ready to go for my trip tomorrow night, so I’ve been running around everywhere acting like a…
Read MoreGood girls don’t spit
Dear Diary, So, I somehow managed to blow my ear right ear out. To clarify, I managed to come down with an ear infection, and if it wasn’t for Anne force-feeding me some mystery pill she still won’t tell me the name of I would be in a bad way right now. And when I…
Read MoreI can’t wait for Alexa’s cooking (Anne’s entry)
This is Anne. How are y’all doing today? We been writing all day and playing SKYRIM and Alexa cooking bake potatoes stuff hamburger meat and cheese and sourcream Mrs dash salt pepper butter. And we got new tv. We have soda with our dinner. And pudding. Alexa eating like a horse. She finally got laid.…
Read MoreWhy my horniness almost killed a man… 😳
Dear Diary, So, I learned four valuable lessons today, and one of them actually means something. Lesson 1: Do not, ever, fill your oil diffuser with mouthwash and turn it on. Seriously. 😳 Lesson 2: Yes, you can actually have an entire meaningful conversation with animated GIFs. This one was learned thanks to my…
Read MoreFat girl jokes
Dear Diary, So, Anne and I barely got any sleep last night due to scoring on each other with fat joke after fat joke. I don’t know how we got on the topic considering neither of us is overweight, but boy did we roast the shit out of each other. 😅 Some highlights: Me:…
Read MoreFeels
Dear Diary, To be honest, I’m not really feeling the whole diary entry thing today – or much of anything, really. Which kind of sucks, because I know I’ve been gone these past three days to deal with Real Life® issues, and I planned on coming back with a bang, but… A lot happened during…
Read MoreStaying in bed with Anne 😜
Dear Diary, I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I woke up several minutes before my alarm went off and just stared at the ceiling, not feeling life at all. I knew I had to get up and start writing, but I just had zero motivation to leave the warmth and comfort of…
Read MorePushing through it
Dear Diary, I woke up today not feeling the whole writing thing. At all. I went through the usual rituals, sat down in front of my laptop, and stared blankly at the screen as coffee sludged its way through my system. First thing I had to decide was what story I wanted to work on…
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