Peeing in public…

Dear Diary,

So there I was: sitting on the public transit train, rocking my new Knuckles hat (thank you, John!), my feet propped up on the seat in front of me, being my typical little ole’ innocent self. Anne was chilling a few feet away in her wheelchair, jamming to her music, glaring at me occasionally because she thinks I’m the one text-bombing her pictures of horse penises. 😲

The train seemed to be moving extra slow. We were on our way to a doctor’s appointment to get her left foot checked out yet again, something that’s become a bit of a hobby lately.

And then this guy gets on. He stumbled through the door, obviously homeless, his odor pungent and clothing filthy. He plopped down in a seat a few feet away from me, and almost immediately several people covered their noses and moved away.

Now, if you know me at all, you know that I have nothing against homeless people. Not only do I have several homeless friends, but for one long stretch of my life I was homeless myself, so I understand. Of course, atrocious hygiene and filthy clothes are not synonymous with homelessness – there are a plethora of institutions that deal with both daily that most homeless know about – so those attributes in this day and age are more or less a choice, not a given. So next time you encounter a homeless person asking for money for food, call bullshit – there are plenty of places that provide free food to the homeless that are easily accessible. I speak from experience. Trust me.


I know a lot of the homeless in the area where Anne lives, but I didn’t know this guy, and to his credit, he didn’t bother anyone – he just sat down and promptly passed out.

And then peed himself.


You should have seen the reaction of the people on that train. You would have thought someone was shooting in that motherfucker. Childish as fuck. Someone apparently called the police, because at the next stop they rushed in there like they were the SWAT team and a drug deal going on. They yelled at the guy to get off the train, but he was apparently really out of it so didn’t respond. They shouted louder, and he groggily acknowledged them but refused to budge. It got ugly. Some of the people started laughing and snickering, which prompted me (being the social, polite person that you all know me to be) to yell out “What the fuck is wrong with you people?!” That got me a few ugly stares. But they stopped laughing.

The police finally managed to get this guy off the train (coincidentally, at the stop Anne and I got off at), and I stood and watched with my cell phone in hand, not trusting that this wasn’t going to turn ugly. Interestingly enough they were extremely polite to the guy. I say interestingly enough because I’ve seen several interactions with the police and the homeless in this area, and most of them did not end well for the homeless. They were either beaten, taken to jail, or both. Very rarely did one end peacefully, which is sad, because I know cops personally and they are not all bad people. The ones that tend to deal with the homeless, however…

Regardless I couldn’t just stand there all day, so Anne and I left for her appointment. For some reason though, that situation stuck in my mind all day, so much so that I barely got any work done while we were at the doctor. See, usually, I whip out my phone or tablet and do all manner of author-related things, but not today – my mind just wouldn’t let go of it all.

I guess seeing that man in that state reminded me of how I used to be, of where I came from, and how far I’ve come since then. My past isn’t pretty. If you’re a member of my Patreon, you know what I mean, but for the rest of you – if you knew half the things I’ve done or been through, most of you would probably see me very differently. But I’ve evolved, overcome, and even though I still have a long way to go, I know I’ve come a hell of a long way from where I started.

Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of that, especially when things get rough and you start doubting yourself because of childish and lifelong issues of insecurity. 😊

On the business side of things, I’ve finally placed the July 1, 2019 preorder for Quickies: Cumpilation Volume 3, and the paperback version (which I just completed and am waiting to be approved) should be available soon. As well as the audiobook. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Also: thank you for everyone that voted on my recent Twitter poll (https://twitter.com/AlexaNichols69/status/1114567930983927808) about innocently talking smack to Anne and her giving me two options for punishment… 😉

Anyway, thank you for reading.

I’ll see you guys again soon…





💡 The More You Know 💡

The way your brain is wired might influence the number of sexual partners you have. Those whose brains showed more activity when shown a sexual image tended to have had the most sexual partners. Sexual motivation varies from individual to individual.

Source: Journal of Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience


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  1. Ronnie Mullins on 8th April 2019 at 7:59 pm

    It’s a sad world we live in now that people feel that a person homeless or not doesn’t deserve the respect and dignity that others give them. I’m glad you have been able to overcome the tough obstacles in your life to be where you are now. Keep marching forward little one. Love you girly

  2. John on 8th April 2019 at 8:22 pm

    Soiling public spaces and transport with human waste is gross and a health-hazard.
    It’s one of the big reasons why many people avoid public transportation.
    Please see the below regarding the 2017 Hep outbreak in San Diego which sickened nearly 600 and killed 20 people.


    Circa 1982 I was briefly technically “homeless” when I lost a job and separated from my then-girlfriend. I lived on a friends couch and later with my sister for a couple of months until I found employment and got a place of my own again. Being “homeless” or down on your luck does not mean you have license to foul everything around you or in other people’s shared space without fear of being loudly called out for it.

    • Alexa Nichols on 9th April 2019 at 10:28 am

      You had me up to the “…without fear of being loudly called out for it.”

      See, I am not a fan of gang mentality, and the way those people were acting was not only immature and petty, but pointless as well. What did they think would result from their actions? What were they gunning for? It was like a domino effect; one person commented, and the rest followed. Which happens a lot, especially downtown and amongst uppity motherfuckers.

      I call it the lemming effect.

      Let’s get real for a second: the majority of people tend to be followers, sheep, not leaders, and they mimic the actions of those around them — most of the time not even truly understanding why they’re doing what they’re doing.

      Or the consequences or repercussions of their actions.

      Like I wrote above, being homeless is not an excuse for poor hygiene or dirty clothes, this day and age that is a choice, and yes I was disgusted when he peed himself, but… there is always a flip side to a coin. No one knows that man, what he has been through, or why he is the way he is. No one knows what he’s gone through, what he’s going through, or what he’s seen. It’s easy to look at the exterior and make a snap judgment and treat someone accordingly, and most do (again, because it’s easy), but people are never that simple.

      Anne and I were just talking about this the other day.

      People are multidimensional, and assuming you know or understand someone, especially a relative stranger, is at best ignorant, at worst flat out stupid.

      I refuse to judge something or someone that I do not truly understand.

      But then, I’ve been told many times that I’m an oddball, so…

  3. John on 9th April 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I will need to agree to respectfully disagree with you on this one.
    In the city next to where we live, the opposite “lemming effect” is in force. We enjoy mounds and small hills of bum/ junkie/ wino bio-waste next to our freeways, in our greenbelts and public parks, syringes on sidewalks and in playgrounds, etc. because our local city shelters, of which there are many, do not allow the homeless to drink or do drugs. Some of the encampments have names such as “the Jungle”, where dozens pitch tents and live in deep squalor while doing drugs. Some of them choose to bring children with them to live in such places. It is reported in our local media (which is not unsympathetic to homelessness) that people there get killed, assaulted, raped, etc. The local government tolerates such encampments. Every other year a camp gets shut down and cleaned-out, but it’s back-up and running a few weeks later. Now, should people be harassed for being homeless? I would answer “no”. Should someone pissing or defecating or shooting-up or dropping their syringe on the sidewalk or some other public place, etc. get called out for it? I would answer “yes”. Public health and safety should always be paramount in importance so discouraging people from engaging in pathological behaviors, regardless of the reasons for the pathological behaviors, should if anything be increased. If I were one of the people in San Diego who contracted Hep because of unsanitary conditions created by “the homeless”, I would be extremely upset and wouldn’t give a rat’s ass for the justifications some homeless people and their advocates employ to rationalize the actions/ behaviors of the Homeless. Again, I don’t advocate for lynching the homeless, verbally or physically, but I do advocate for calling them out when they do things that endanger others. Our “tolerance” up here has done nothing but multiply the problem since the city now has a reputation for tolerating/ facilitating/ enabling homelessness/ drug and alcohol addiction/ “urban-camping”, etc. One of my exes refused to ride a bus wearing a skirt or thong underwear because she was wigged-out by the prospect of trusting her health to public transit hygiene standards. Things should not be that way.

    • Alexa Nichols on 9th April 2019 at 1:27 pm

      Let me start by writing this: it is 100% awesome if you disagree with me – my feelings don’t get hurt just because someone doesn’t believe the same things I do. Hell, *most* people don’t agree with me, and honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. 😊

      You made a pretty big jump from my situation to “Should someone be pissing or defecating or shooting-up or dropping their syringe on the sidewalk or some other public place, etc. get called out for it? I would answer ‘yes.'” comment. The guy in my situation was passed out and obviously intoxicated, and the people on the train, in my opinion, acted immaturely. Plenty of people pass out drunk and pee themselves – it’s not exactly uncommon. Was this instance so disgusting and deplorable because he was homeless?

      Regardless, writing that *publically discouraging* people regardless of pathological behavior should if anything be increased put a literal chill down my spine. That is a dangerous statement and one that could, and if history is any indication often does, backfire. I wish I had more time to go in-depth with this because my inner psychologist is just screaming to be let out, but your girl is uber-busy.

      I love getting into these kinds of discussions though, and I’m flattered that you took the time to respond to my Diary entry to begin with. Thank you. 💗

  4. Lamar on 17th April 2019 at 10:54 pm

    Oh yikes and a weird sight to see. At least, knowing a bit more of your backstory and thank you for sharing. You came very far so far and I’m happy. 😊

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