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I have a secret to tell

Dear Diary,

So here’s something I’ve only shared with a handful of people in my life: I have dyslexia. You can sometimes see this in my social media posts, especially those I craft using my phone, because all my glorified grammar checkers aren’t active. When I was younger, I used to hand copy a page from the dictionary every day to try and combat my dyslexia, and if I made a mistake, I would throw the entire page away and start over. This was originally given to me as a punishment from one of my teachers (talking in class queen over here), but it turned out I really liked learning new words, so I decided to keep the practice up on my own. It helped my dyslexia a lot, and combined with electronic grammar correctors, I can now write books.

Why am I telling you this?

Anne told me something the other day after I helped her get in bed (she has cerebral palsy and arthritis) that broke my heart, though it wasn’t her intent: she thanked me for looking after her, for helping her do things she can’t do herself. It was a simple, pure statement, but for some reason, it hit me hard. She wasn’t necessarily thanking me for helping her; she regretted that she couldn’t do these things for herself. She felt like a burden, and she was reaching out to tell me how much she not only appreciated me but needed me.

For the record, she was wrong. She doesn’t need me. I know that she would simply find a way to do it herself if I weren’t there. She’s crazy smart and resourceful like that.

We all have our struggles; some are just more hidden than others.

Food for thought, right? It definitely was for me.

Anyway, writing-wise, I’m neck-deep in Camgirl, and it’s way more absorbing than I thought it would be. In many ways, it reminds me of Girl Fight, a book that took me emotionally all over the place, but Camgirl is a bit… darker if that’s possible. It’s definitely more sexual. And longer. It was also insanely difficult to start. I had all my meticulously organized notes and outlines in front of me, but actually starting the story… was a bit difficult. As hard as Camgirl was to start, once I started, the words just seemed to flow out.

This isn’t exactly abnormal.

Every time I start a new book, it’s always the same: I stare at a blank page, wonder how in the hell I’m going to begin, start questioning if I’ve lost my touch, then tentatively type out a few words like I’m scared of the keyboard or something. Within a few minutes, and this never fails, I’m frothing at the mouth and slamming away at the keys like I’m mad at them. Every time.

I’ve written this before and I’ll write it again: I love being a writer!

I doubt that will ever change.

So many stories, so little time…



“In America, sex is preached; in France, it is done.”

Fritz Lang



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  1. Richie on July 9, 2021 at 11:13 am

    Kudos to you for opening up to your fans about your challenges. Kudos to Anne for still being able to find solutions to problems. Kudos to you for turning a punishment into a career accomplishment by being proficient in the English language which turned you into a great writer. I had a 7th grade teacher who made us, not as a punishment but in lieu of real ‘homework’, learn 5 new words a night from a dictionary. By June, my class was off the boards in the state academic tests we had to take at the end of the term. We all got awards and so did our caring teacher; caring that her students were proficient in the English language.

    • Alexa Nichols on July 12, 2021 at 12:32 pm

      Thanks for the Kudos, and doubly thanks for sharing! I love learning things about people I cherish. 😊 That ‘learning five words a day’ thing reminds me of how I taught myself Spanish – I did something similar. Every day I would learn a different category of words like days of the week, months, colors, objects within a theme, etc. I would walk around repeating the words mentally all day, trying to find excuses to use them in conversations, writing them down several times, etc. Evcentually my Spanish vocabulary was scary.

  2. Lamar on July 9, 2021 at 4:09 pm

    I’m proud of you on opening up and thank you for sharing, Alexa. It’s difficult but Anne has been there for you as much as you have been there for her. I have some backstories that you would find rather interesting about me.

    That said, I can’t wait for the story which I’m even more interested than ever! 😜

    • Alexa Nichols on July 12, 2021 at 12:27 pm

      You are welcome, of course – that’s what a diary is supposed to be about, right? And what story would that be, boo boo, hmmm? 😇

  3. Lamar on July 20, 2021 at 6:22 pm

    Actually growing up, myself had gotten a speech impediment and was teased a lot due to having that as a kid. Even to this day, I still struggle with it at times.

    • Alexa Nichols on July 26, 2021 at 3:02 am

      See, we would have been great friends growing up – I 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 stuck up for people with handicaps. I’ll never understand why people feel the need to make fun of/bully/condescend them. I mean, what can they possibly gain from belittling someone else? I’ve been in so many fights over this topic… #NotSorry 😊

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