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Dear Diary,

Not too long ago, I woke up disoriented, falling over myself, and nauseous. I couldn’t quit throwing up, and for the next two days, I felt absolutely disgusting. The worst part? I still had author tasks to do (such as advertising, finishing up Voyeur Season 2 Episode 5, taxes, and other personal matters). My heart wasn’t in it. My mind wasn’t in it. My body definitely wasn’t in it.

I was hungover.

For the last time.

When I was younger, I used alcohol as a coping mechanism to calm my mind and let my inhibitions lower enough to effectively communicate with others. I was awkward, quiet, and overly emotional about the smallest (and strangest) things without it. Alcohol killed all that, allowing my sense of humor to fully manifest. And I’m the sort to remember everything after I drink, so the next day I was usually able to laugh at my actions even when everyone else was busy telling me how I should’ve been mature or acted more responsibly. I loved it. The best part? I was rarely hung over.

Then I got older.

The hangovers started to manifest, creeping in with increasing discomfort and pain, until the other day when I woke up half dead and rethinking all my life choices. I ditched the rest of my alcohol and seriously pondered my life. Why, at this age, am I still putting myself through this? Why am I repeatedly getting drunk, only to suffer for it for days after? What’s the point? Yes, the buzz feels good in the moment, but it comes with so many caveats… I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s just not worth it anymore. I could be doing so much more with that time and energy than debilitating myself.

I wrote all that to write this: I decided to quit drinking.

Those of you that know me (either digitally or in real life) are probably reading those words with wide, astonished eyes right now. I don’t blame you. It was a serious paradigm shift and kind of long overdue. I mean, I’m 34 years old. When it comes to alcohol, I can’t just drink a little bit. What’s the point in that? I want to feel it. I want to be affected by it. That’s the entire point of drinking, right? At least that’s the way I used to think. 😷

Now I just need to find other things to make me feel the way I did when I was buzzed. Preferably not narcotic. 😄 Any suggestions?

#Alexaliens

 

💡 The More You Know 💡

Lobsters have bladders on either side of their heads, so they communicate by urinating at each other. If they want another lobster to know that they’re happy or sad or angry or interested in a relationship, they say it with pee!

 

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6 Comments

  1. Lamar on April 14, 2021 at 5:50 pm

    Wow, congrats, Alexa. The first step of a new journey beginning for you. ☺

  2. Richie on April 15, 2021 at 11:50 am

    Hi Alexa, good for you that you are being honest with yourself about the control alcohol has over you and the negative consequences of that. To be honest with you, I grew up in a neighborhood where there wasn’t any bars and all my parents’ friends didn’t drink. They ate terribly unhealthy food and smoked like chimneys but they didn’t drink. And so I grew up not caring much about alcohol as my ‘holiday from reality’. But pot… that’s another story. I was a college kid from 1964 to 1971 when the more intellectual you were, the less alcohol you drank, but the more pot you smoked and the more psychedelics you used because that’s what liberal college kids did in the 60’s. So, while the government says pot is like a ‘drug’ to be controlled, I say that smoking pot every day since October 15, 1965 (my first protest march down 5th Ave in Manhattan) did not have the effect on my mind and body that drinking every day would have done to me over these 55 years. I am a big advocate of using pot to give yourself the ‘holiday from reality’ everyone needs now and then. It is a lot safer than other forms of relief. So, Alexa…. consider this as your alternative. One of my goals in life now is to meet you and smoke a joint with you. LOL

    Kinky Richie

    • Alexa Nichols on April 15, 2021 at 12:29 pm

      Wow! I had no idea you smoked the mary-juana! I’ll just go on public record and say I have and will not participate in illegal drug u—😄 Sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face! I’ve tried it in the past, like when I was a little(r) loli, but it didn’t really do anything for me. The only drugs I’ve really wanted to try was acid and x. Just out of curiosity.

  3. Richie on April 16, 2021 at 11:30 am

    Well you know if you’re going to mess around with X you better have a lover by your side. Boy oh boy, does that drug do something for the libidos lurking in your brain. lol

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