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Don’t gamble something you’re not willing to lose.

Dear Diary,

Boy. I did not expect the responses to my last entry. Most of the time when I sit down to write them I just write, barely thinking about what I’m putting out there, just kind of letting my fingers do the talking. It seems more authentic that way. I then run it through a quick grammar check (Grammarly) and let it fly. After about a day or so, many of you message me in one way or another and let me know what you thought, and I love that; it helps me feel connected to you and oftentimes provides an insight that I never would have otherwise. It’s the reward for taking the time to record and share my thoughts.

Until you motherfuckers turn against me. 😄

Not long after I posted my last entry, my inbox exploded. Most of you were telling me how stupid I was being, linking to article after article and telling me some of your own personal stories dealing with heart issues, and because of that, I was forced to stop and think: was I being stupid? Was I basically gambling with my health? Someone close to me once said something I hold near to my heart, something I remind myself of on a near-daily basis:


“Don’t gamble something you’re not willing to lose.”


Sometimes it’s easy to forget that. Life can get so engrossing that it’s easy to brush things to the side and focus on the more fun, attention-snatching elements. Especially, in my case at least, people. Ever heard the expression about the shoemaker who didn’t have any shoes? That is me to a T. I concern myself with other people’s problems so much that I often neglect my own. It’s natural to me; once you’ve fought past the obstacle course and made it into my heart, I do everything in my power to make sure you are as happy and healthy as you can be. I often write that I like who I am, that I love being me, and while true… that doesn’t mean I don’t see room for improvement. My health is definitely one of those areas.


I went to the doctor. Again. Instead of describing exactly what happened, I’ll just plop in a message I sent to a friend:


I’m pissed. Today was a big waste of time – time that I could have been playing Skyrim. I left early as hell, got seen almost immediately, then had several tests ran on me. My body apparently picked today to be in perfect condition, because the preliminary exams looked good. They’re going to run tests on my blood, look at x-rays, and evaluate CT scans further and let me know what they came up with. Heart still enlarged; they just have no idea why. Yet. So I’m home.

They did say if I had any chest pains to return and they would likely admit me. So I’m about to shower, make myself some tea, and binge-watch some Walking Dead on Netflix.


I feel like everything was kind of rushed. I thought about this for a while and finally decided it is time I go back to the hospital, a different one this time, and see what they can do about my enlarged heart. I’m going to get the bulk of my baby squirrel’s appointments out of the way (all Cancer related), get our second microchipping (COVID shot) as soon as a slot opens up, and then my ass is going to the hospital. Maybe sooner depending on how I feel, I dunno. I will, of course, keep all of you updated because I have a habit of oversharing online. Hey, I’m a writer; I make no apologies for this.

About writing…

Man, do I have so many projects! I’m turning The Siren’s Song into a trilogy of books, each based on a different mythological creature, all interrelated, each keeping the same erotic romance tone. Right now, I’m only in the drafting stages, but it’s been a lot of fun so far. My primary project, and what I spend the bulk of my time on, is Camgirl, and the research on this is, well, interesting. Seeing the industry from a camgirls perspective is fascinating. I even plan to take part in a few camming sessions just for the experience. I like to have a true understanding of what I write about, and as I’ve never watched a camming session (just like I’ve never been in a strip club), it’s something that’s always interested me. So this should be fun.

If you are interested in learning about camming, I found an excellent documentary that I shared with my Patreon and Subscribestar Alexaliens a while back called Cam Girlz. You might want to check it out. There is a bunch of nudity and kinkiness, so make sure you’re not, like, at church or something when you attempt to watch it.

And let me know what you think. I always like knowing what you think. Even if you occasionally turn against me. 😏



“The fact is I am not having sex. But I feel absolutely ripe for the, what would you say? Plucking?”

Angelina Jolie


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  1. Lamar on June 22, 2021 at 10:52 am


    Alexa, don’t worry, I won’t turn against you!

    As for the Camgirl project, I’m already awaiting for! Be still my gentle heart! 😆😍

    • Alexa Nichols on June 23, 2021 at 3:14 pm

      Thanks for the words of encouragement boo boo! 🙌🥰

  2. Richie on June 22, 2021 at 11:24 am

    I heard from my grandmother, when she was alive, that CHICKEN SOUP is ESPECIALLY good for an enlarged heart! 😉 Seriously, it’s good to hear you’re going to be ‘pro-active’ with your health! Good for you. Randi and I want you to be healthy when you come visit us in San Francisco with your ‘baby squirrel’.

    • Alexa Nichols on June 23, 2021 at 3:15 pm

      She’s running up walls at the moment, but as soon as she calms down, I’ll let her know! 😆

  3. John on June 25, 2021 at 3:12 pm

    Please don’t take your health for granted.
    Many people don’t give much thought to their own good health until it is gone, it’s too late to save it, or it is seriously threatened.
    Like a nice garden, good health does not just “happen”. It requires some thought, effort and initiative (especially as we all grow older) to cultivate and safeguard. Please take the time to safeguard your health as you would for the people whom you love.

    Finally, you have many friends and acquaintances who would miss you deeply if anything bad were to happen to you. It’s safe to say that we all want you around for a long time, continuing to write, and making the world a better place via your art, wit, and general way of being.

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